On Monday last week was the most horrible day of my life. My day went wrong already when I woke up, because I had a headache. But I did a huge mistake and went to school. It was sunny, so I went to school by bike.
First lesson was religion. I was so tired, that I fell asleep for a moment. I felt that lesson was like 3 hours long. Second lesson was music and we wrote too much. After the lesson also my hand hurt. Third lesson was finnish. I was so hungry that I could not concentrate on working. In the middle of the lesson I went to eat. And as you can guess, food was not good. I was still hungry. The end of the lesson went suprisingly fast. The last lesson was opo. I became happy because the lesson ended 5 minutes earlier than normally.
It was still sunny when I left school with my bike. But huge clouds were following me. I had about one kilometer to home when it started to rain. And I had never seen so huge rain. I was pretty wet when I managed to get home. All my books were also wet. And things got even more worse. My friend called me and said: ” There is nice weather outside”. I was angry.
September 12, 2012 at 9:31 pm
I also think that we write in music lessons far too much. By the way very good post! That was first-class work! I know the feeling when you are very hungry at school and then the school food is not so good — it’s quite annoying.
September 23, 2012 at 12:35 pm
What a day! I have actually had some very similar days too, so I know how you must have felt! 🙂 Luckily, these kinds of days are not very common… 😉
Contents: you language is understandable, the text humorous and the story pretty well structured. However, you sentences are perhaps a bit too simple. You tend to use mainly main clauses though at this point you should be able to show what a versatile writer you are by using some more complex sentence structures. Do not be afraid of writing subordinate clauses too, and next time try introducing some sentences that start with “because, therefore, thus, moreover, nevertheless….”
Grammar:
-Last Monday
-Nevertheless, I did this huge mistake
-THE first lesson
-tired that (no comma before “that”)
-THE lesson (articles), THE second/third lesson
-after that lesson my hand was aching too.
-Finnish (languages with a CAPITAL letter)
-THE food
-opo in English? 🙂
-I had about…km left
-such a heavy rain
-my books were wet too
-the things
-a nice weather
Media appearance: no pics?