When I woke up, I was as tired as I could ever be. I had cough, headache, cold, and I was hungry. When I got downstairs and opened the fridge it was empty. I nearly died because I was so damn hungry. Later in the morning , on my way to school, my backpack broke and every single one of my books and notebooks fell on the wet concrete (the concrete was wet because of the rain by the way), I felt like nothing was going to work out for me today. Later on, when I finally got to the school the doors were locked. I started to wonder what could be wrong, and then I remembered that it was saturday, I felt like hanging myself from the neck.
After all that I got home, my pc components were finally arrived so I started assembling them. After the assembly was complete I started to install Windows so I could use the pc.
When Windows was finished installing, I launched Starcraft 2 and began loosing to those Korean players. After the fifteenth loss in a row, by my lacing skills in starcraft I got depressed and I went to bed to cry myself to sleep.
September 12, 2012 at 10:55 am
Very nicely written. It was really unfortunate that you went to school and all your books got wet. What a bad luck! But I don’t really get why you cried yourself to sleep after winning so many games in a row. After all pretty nice post and I enjoyed it.
September 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm
MAIN COMMENT:Your title describes your story and thats important. I don’t think I could have come up with better title myself. You should check things like dots, commas and location/size of your pictures since they make some of the text go all over the place. Also your text is missing words here and there so you might want to fix that too. Besides those your text is easy to going and smooth. In overall your text was enjoyable to read. I’m truly sorry you had to face those koreans.
September 17, 2012 at 5:54 pm
What a day! Hope that this was only fiction! 😉
Contents: the story is good and humorous. You made me laugh though arriving at school on Saturday (capital letter with the days of the week) is a bit cliche like… 😉
Anyways, I like your story. The language is quite fluent and easy-going. The structure is pretty ok, though the first paragraph is much longer than the last two paragraphs. Next time you could work more on this balance.
Grammar: rather good. Here are some suggestions for revision:
-had A cough, A cold, A headache…
-WHEN I realized…
-I felt like hanging myself. (no neck needed here 😉 )
-When I returned home, …
-HAD finally arrived (the auxiliary in active sentences is HAVE (NOT was)); like in HAD finished
-completeD, I started…
-those (?); you haven’t mentioned these guys before
-by my lacing skills ?? (due to my lacking skills?)
Media apperance: perhaps the first picture would be more suitable to a touchy-feely love story but anyways I’m happy that you managed to insert some pictures in your post. However, always identify the source, ok? Are you sure that these pics are legal?